The Haunting Tales of Merasmus
by Leonardo Oliver Osborn
Summary: Greetings, mortals; I am Marasmus, the greatest Wizard ever known! What's that? You haven't heard of me? Then DAMN YOU! Anyway, I got a little bored, so I learned some story telling magic so I can take random mortals and bend them to my will! Well, sorta. I will be doing this for three days until after Halloween, because WHY NOT!
1. Twilight Sparkle and the Book of Evil

Nightmare Night was right around the corner. Ponies everywhere prepared for Nightmare Night by readying costumes, candy buckets, candy, spooky décor, all the things the pony mortals did that was basically the same as the human mortals did for Halloween, _only it's Nightmare Night!_

 _HOOOOOOOWLLL!_

Twilight Sparkle, a purple alicorn princess (gag!) with stars as her butt tattoo also known as cutie marks, sat alone in her anti-social world of reading and learning magic; the best life ever! She also had a roommate of her own; Spike, a green and purple baby dragon. Twilight was a bookworm; she spent everyday in her library, reading and reading. She once thought that _reading_ was safe, and that nothing could happen to the mortal while she read forever and ever... but she... was... _WRONG!_

"Hey Twilight?" asked the dragon, "Did we get any new books?" he asked. Don't worry, this isn't as boring as it seems; stick with me now, I had forced the Solider to read it and even _he_ liked it! I swear I am not lying to you...! Yes, I _might_ of crossed my fingers- _SILENCE!_

"I... don't recall." Twilight said slowly, "Do we have any new books?" she asked. She hungers for words to read, like the monster under your bed waiting to one day eat _you!_ And, yes, tis true!

"Well, there's this one," the dragon said before he _foolishly_ picked up the book and read the title aloud. "'Bomb... in... om... icon'... I don't get-" before he could finish his final words of sanity, there came a noise louder than Soldier yelling at me to go to bed when I'm in the middle of brewing a potion. The explosion scared the weak little mortals, and they jumped back in surprise and huddled together!

"What's happening?!" she asked, as any other mortal that won't understand an obvious situation would say. The book floated it's way away from the shelf; lightening ignited against the will of the Pegasai in the background as it began it's reign of terror!

"Oh, hey! What's up, ay? Doin' much? So, where am I? Looks like a library; mann, I'm _tired_ of those places. They're boring, ya know; always havin' to wait till someone would scoop ya up for a reading, ya know. Well... not like you can, since opening me would just kill ya, ya know." the book spoke.

"Bombinomicon...?" asked the cowardly little dragon, who hide behind the legs of the bookworm.

"Yep, that's my name, buddy." it said before the pathetic purple horse shrieked.

"What are you?!" she demanded.

"Well, didn't your lizard friend just tell ya? I'm the Bombinomicon, haven't ya heard of me? I'm pretty sure I'm more famous than Lord of the Rings, right? Right? I dunno; lets go to hell now."

Before Twilight nor Spike could say a word, they instantly found themselves in an island with fire all around! "Hey there, friends; welcome to hell," said Bombinomicon. "Now, fight to the death."

 _"What?!"_ the purple one whined.

"Well, your in hell now, and I'm the devil. And now, you fight to the death." Bombinomicon explained, but that _stupid_ pony still couldn't understand!

"But... but... we can't just _kill_ each other!" the dragon began to whine as well.

"Ah, yeah ya can. Burn her to death with your fire breath, push her into the fires of hell to burn her to death; ya know what? Screw it, just burn her or something. Fight to the death."

"But _why?_ " asked Twilight.

"Well, because I told ya to. Now fight to the death. If ya don't, I'll make the baby dragon's head a bomb; how does that sound?"

The purple horse didn't dare to question rather or not it could, so she thought for a moment. Thinking, why do people do that these days? I know Marasmus doesn't need any, _BECAUSE I'M A WIZARD!_ So, anyway, the purple pony pondered for a moment before an idea came to her. She came up with something I hate most; a loophole!

"Spike," she whispered. The dragon leaned in to hear her plan. "I devised a plan; just play along." she whispered.

"Hey guys, um, your not plannin' anything besides fighting to the death, right?" the Bombinomicon asked.

"Oh, no, we're not." Twilight _lied._

"Oh, alright, good. Now, fight to the death." The Bombinomicon repeated.

"As you wish." she replied, and winked to the dragon. She walked up to him, and softly pawed a hoof. "Take that!" she said as the dragon feel to the ground.

" _Ohhhh_ you got me!" Spike said as he raised up a claw. "I'm... dying... I... lost..." and then, he died. For real, actually. _MAHAHAHAHAHA!_

 _"WHAT?!"_ the purple one shrieked- wait a second... you can hear Marasmus? But, that's not- "I know that spell your using! It's a story telling spell, where you can control a pony's life temporarily and alter what will happen around them. The victim won't be aware until the caster makes something happen or control an action of the victim, making everypony around them aware! This is _dark_ magic your using! Who are you?! Discord, is that you?"

What? Me? No, I'm not Discord; that's my room mate 3,000 years ago. I'm Marasmus, the most evil wizard... _OF ALL!_ "Sure." Twilight said... rather dully, actually. Purple one, what is wrong with you?! Your friend is _dead!_ "Not for long," she replied, her expression unamused. "Indeed," she replied. "I said _temporally;_ the spell can only last for one day or night depending on which you chose. You can torture me, you can kill me; but by the end of the story Spike and I are going to wake up in the library with not a single second past, and none of this _ever_ happened." she explained her _foolish_ explanation, _fool!_

"How so?"

You see, what you are talking about is the old model that is _so_ 1387\. This is the 1563 version, the latest model that I got from a drill Sargent fairy!

"Drill Sargent fairy?"

Don't ask. Basically, in this version; once when you die in a story, your dead in _reality!_

 _"WHAT?!"_ she exclaimed for the third time. Seriously, stop doing that; I'm getting tired of- "Spike!" she cried... oh, hell, here we go... she did all that stupid sappy stuff. She sobbed, she cradled the dragon, all that boring, sappy stuff...

"Hey, Marasmus, my mann; ya mind if I take over?" asked Bombinomicon. Sure, why not. Bonzo and I are getting bored of these... _feelings._ "Sure, mann. Okay, here we go; yo, Twi, stop cryin'."

"Go to Tartarus!"

"Yeah, I kinda like hell better. Plus, Tartarus already belongs to that hair flam-haired fella. So, how about you get yourself an gift-"

Suddenly, a blast of purple light blasted... and he's magic proof; _EVERYTHING PROOF!_

"No!" the purple one cried.

"Yeah, sorry there; nothing you can do about, like, anything, ya know. So, with that set; I want you to fight to the death."

"With whom?" the purple one asked her foolish question. Suddenly, Applejack ended up in hell! "No!" Yes!

"What the hay is goin' on?!" asked the country cow pony, as stupid as it sounds.

"Applejack, it's hard to-" the purple one attempted to explain.

"Hey, welcome to hell! It's the best place, yeah? Oh, everybody loves hell. I'm the devil, nice to meetcha. Now, fight to the death." Bombinomicon explained instead.

 _"What?!"_ the _orange_ one exclaimed; not the purple one, but still annoying. So then, the fire starts to rise and- _OH NO!_ It's the Japanese people; the Japanese mafia has arrived! I must go!


	2. A Fight to the Death (with ducks!)

"Trust in your friends,  
So they will have reason trust in you."

After suffering a series of disastrous defeats at the hands of General Grievous, the Republic's foothold in the Outer Rim is in jeopardy. Commissioned to protect the strategic world of Bothawui, Anakin Skywalker and his weary battle group are all that stands between the system and domination by the droid army- hey, unhand me you-

HAZZA! I, Merasmus, had just taken your place as the narrator! Now, lets see... oh, hell, that quote is awful! I'm going to change that!

"Trust that Merasmus is awesome,  
Because my magic and me killing you will give reason for you to trust that."

There, much better. Now, where were we... ah, yes! And now, Merasmus shall take the three Jedi and have them trapped in my spooky, scary story! And now, they shall struggle to survive the wrath... of MERASMUS!

"Ugh... master...? Master...?" asked a female tugruta as she slowly awakened under my Deep-Sleep spell

"I'm right here, snips..." suddenly said the second Jedi, a human with girly brown hair, as he to awoken.

"Where the blazes are we?" asked the third Jedi, a second human with... rather nice hair-do, actually. Oh, do shut up, I'm not gay; I'm asexual! I'm a wizard; I don't need sex, I need magic and murder and amusement. Now shut up and keep reading!

"Weren't we in the middle of handling that four-armed tin-can?" asked 'snips'.

"Well, lets see- we appear to be on a civilized (sort of, perhaps) planet; there seems to be one large building; two in one, perhaps; there seems to be a high tower between them; and a red bomb cart on a track, rather old fashioned I dare say; and we seem to be on a cliff, there seems to be nothing but rock and a deep far way over there. Come, lets and explore and see if we can find a ship out of here, and perhaps the people of this planet so they can explain why we are here." said captain obvious, the one with the good hair-do. And so, they never found any ships or people on this planet; EVER! Mahahaha! HOOOOWLL!

"Well, what we waiting for? Come on, snips." said the girl haired one.

"I'm coming, master, I'm coming..." she replied. She was obviously annoyed by him, but having to hang around that girly haired freak was the least of this nightmare! They looked... and they looked... and they looked... and they talked... and talked some more... oh, hell, this is getting boring! Suddenly, the civilized one force grabbed the other two's lightsabers and his own and started juggling.

"What the blazes?!" he asked as he juggled.

"Master, I hear a voice!" said the tugruta. Damn it! Not again! The girly haired one force grabbed his lightsaber, and out came the colour blue like Soldier appearing out of nowhere whenever I... borrow his helmet for a bit.

"Don't you dare mock me! Who are you?! Why are we here?!" he demanded. Jeez, chill down, I only kidnapped you to make you do my bidding for my amusement and eventually make you all die one by one, calm down; it's nothing to be worked up about... well, for me! AHAHAHAHA!

"Well the 'amusement' part of the motives explain the joggling." said the one who was juggling. And I said was because, well, not just because of good story writing with sticking with past tense, but also because he stopped. No you fool! Keep juggling! You don't have free will anymore! "Well then, explain why I stopped." he said with a sly smirk that deserves a punch in the face. He punches himself in the face.

"I think he's using the force in a... different way. Master, what do you think is happening?" asked the tugruta.

"SHOW YOURSELF!" the grumpy one yelled. Wow, mann, you really need to take a chill pill. You might end up like my room mate from a long ago in a far away apartment, Darth Vader. He always held out that hand in that weird way, like he's holding an invisible drink. I'm not so sure rather he wanted soda or he wanted to choke Merasmus (me) but couldn't come close enough to do so; I don't know. So, since your all here; PREPARE TO DIE!

"Suddenly, organs played in the background, and came an evil laugh that was not my own. Instinctively, the three Jedi all wielded their saber swords, two of them light blue with the one being green because I guess she just didn't want to fit in with the cool Jedi or something. Moving on, there came a sound of, not horse hooves clopping, but clopping generated by the feet... OF THE HORSELESS, HEADLESS, HORSEMANN!

He leaped up from the High Tower, and landed before the three Jedi; his Headtaker held ready in his hands. Okay, I said they never found any people, I get it; but he's not people. He charged at the Jedi at full none-horse-powered speed. He first struck Obi Wan Kenobi, the civilized one. He swung back his saber at his every blow, and often hit the top and bottom of his weapon... for some reason. Anakin Skywalker, the girly one, struck a blow at the Horseless Headless Horsemann, but was blocked by his own melee. The second human Jedi and the Horsemann locked for a bit, with a crazy amount of anger in his eyes. Seriously, dude; calm down. The Jedi pushed the Horesmann away from the lock, and it instantly turned to make a series of blows against Ahsoka Tano, the tugruta. She, again, didn't want to fit in, so she held her light saber the wrong way and spun it like a majorette.

"I suppose Merasmus knows our names?" asked Obi Wan to Anakin as they both charged for the Horsemann.

"Seems so." Anakin replied before they started their blows. And, yes, I know your names; it's part of the story telling business.

"Oh really?" asked Obi Wan as he defended himself against the headless warrior. And, yes, it's the reason why I'm narrating. Your last narrator stinks, by the way. He always used those corny, stupid quotes that most of came from Hallmark or something.

And so, they fought... and they fought... and they fought... oh, to hell with it! BONUS DUCKS!

"What the?!" Anakin exclaimed. While the Jedi were startled by the sudden ducks, the Horseless Headless Horsemann took advantage and killed them all in one blow- wait a second... hey, why aren't you dead! Oh no... this isn't the trilogy... this is the Cartoon Network show! Oh no! Their death is already set in stone in the movies, they can't die or else the Extended Universe will brake... oh, wait, Ahsoka died; she wasn't in the movies./p

"Snips!"

Okay, that's all for now. Goodbye now!


	3. The Spooky TARDIS of Doom

The Doctor, an old mann with long grey hair and a lame suit with a weird looking tie, and his two... Comrades? Companions? Side Kicks? Oh, yes, _Assistances_ , Barbra and Ian, were in the TARDIS. Wow, it's so black and white here... anyway; basically, it's a phone box time machine that does... _STUFF!_

"Hmm, things aren't going to be the same without Susan, isn't it, hmm?" asked the Doctor.

"No, not quite..." replied Ian.

"Yes, I agree. We're going to miss her." said Barbra.

"Well, she's happy now. She was very selfless and very kind, hmm? Yes, yes, quite; hmm, quite. She's with David now, and everything should be all right..."

But things _aren't_ going to be 'alright'! Things are going... _TO BE DOOMED! MAHAHAHAHA!_

Suddenly, the lights went out! Everyone panicked, and I think I might of seen a boom mic... wow this show is cheap... anyway, here we go!

 _"Alert, I had taken over the TARDIS!"_

Said a voice from the speakers.

"Who are you?! How did you hack into my TARDIS, hmm?!" the Doctor demanded.

 _"I know people. Call me the Administrator."_

"And you can call me the Doctor, young lady!"

 _"Fair enough. So, now that I have control of the TARDIS, I shall do whatever I please and you shall do my bidding."_

"I refuse!" the Doctor... well, _refused._

 _"Well, then; I hope you timelords and the other two beside you don't mind if I turn off the oxygen, then."_

"You won't dare!" the Doctor yelled.

"Doctor, stop! Your only making matters worse!" Ian attempted to silence the 200 year old mann.

"How so? Perhaps maybe she's only bluffing, hmm?"

 _"Oxygen shuts down in 5... 4... 3... 2... 1..."_

Everyone starts to choke. And then they all die-

 _"No, I want them alive. Imagine the tortures we can make out of this."_

Fine, fine, I'll hold off of that. Here, have a duck!

 _"... thank you..."_

The oxygen turned back on, and they all inhaled a deep breath.

"Who do you think she's talking to?!" asked Barbra. Yes, they don't know I'm here...

"I don't know, Barbra." Ian replied.

" _Hmm!_ Well I think she's gone mad!" the Doctor proposed. You shouldn't have done that.

 _"... come again, Doctor?"_ the Administrator said with an raised eyebrow with a dare for him to repeat. Yes, yes, keep it up Doctor! Prepare to _die!_

"You heard me! I believe you have gone mad, and that your talking to yourself!" the Doctor didn't shut up... oh boy... _this is gonna be FUN!_

"Doctor, don't anger her further! Didn't you see what she was capable of?! Don't anger her further or we'll all _die._ Don't you understand, Doctor?"

"Oh, don't you worry Chesterton; I can regenerate, I'll be fine."

"Yes, but what about _us?_ " Barbra asked.

"Oh, yes, fine, your right; hmm, good point. Okay then, I'll be on my best behavior then.

 _"Good."_

Damn!

 _"Quiet."_

"Okay then, Miss Administrator, what is it you wish us to do?"

 _"I want you all to find me the source of Australiam. I can only control the TARDIS from my base, so I am clearly not present. I cannot ride without my controls, so I must depend on you three to find it. I will use the TARDIS so I can take the Australiam before anyone else does."_

"But you can't change history! Not one line!" the Doctor replied.

 _"Funny. I have meet your future self, and he told me the opposite of that. You do not know my face and my voice will blur in your memory over time, so you will not know me when I become your companion. Now, object against me again and I won't be merciful like last time."_

"Doctor!" Ian scolded under his teeth. The Doctor waved him off with his hand, silently saying 'I know, I know!'.

To fight against this, the Doctor gets his sonic screw- wait... that doesn't exist yet... okay then, he ran all the way to- oh, wait, he's old... he want to the console to find- oh, he doesn't know the TARDIS enough yet... this is getting boring!

Suddenly, the TARDIS explodes for no reason.


	4. Number 963

_You know the kind of guy that's always doing bad things and wonder why his life sucks? Well, that's me. Every single time something good happened to me, something bad is always waiting around the corner; karma. That is when I knew I had to change. So I made a list of every bad thing I've ever done, and, one by one I'm gonna make up for all my mistakes. I'm just trying to be a better person._

My Name is Earl

15 Years Ago

An old lady walked the streets towards her house. That day was her 100th birthday; so old she was. She had a simple brawn bag filled with her usual groceries; mostly filled with prune related products. It was a dark, dark night. She felt a bit afraid, but didn't mind it. Soon, though; she heard a noise.

"Who's there?!" she asked. She waited, and didn't hear a thing besides cars driving and sirens far off into the distance. She soon thought that it was perhaps her imagination; so she moved on. But as time went on, her walk speed up bit by bit as she started to feel more and more like she wasn't alone.

Once when she reached her home, she grabbed out her keys and opened the door as quickly as she could. She walked in, and felt relived once when she entered the comfort of her home. Before she could turn around and close the door, the lights suddenly turned on.

"SURPRIZE!" a dozen of people yelled all at once.

The old lady feel to the ground. The inside of her house was decorated with one dollar ribbons and streamers from dollar general. A sign hung up on the celling, and read 'Happy 100th Birthda'. (they couldn't fit the 'Y' into the sign)

"Earl... is she asleep?" asked Earl Hickey's brother, Randy Hickey.

"Damn it!" yelled a voice from outside. In came a man in a dark robe and held a large scythe. "It's the October 29th, 2000, right?" asked the robed man.

"... yes..." answered Earl.

"I was so close! I always loved the 100 year olds, you know. It's cool to get to kill a mortal a whole century old. But... you ruined that. You really ruined that. Earl Jehoshaphat Hickey, you owe me. You owe me big. I'll be seeing you on June 13th, 2085, okay? See ya."

The robed man walked away, and everyone in that room never forgot what happened since.

15 Years Later

"I remember now! So, how are you gonna pay him back, Earl?" asked Randy. Yes! Finally, I can narrate again! Backstories bored me, so I hired the nearest writer I could find, Doug. I know his writing sucks, but he was close by. So... CONTINUEING!

"I dunno, Randy. I dunno... we need to call him somehow." Earl answered.

"Maybe you can find another old person who is about to die." suggested Catalina, the Mexican clean lady who is, thank hell, not a Japanese one.

"Hey, that works!" Randy cheered. Earl looked at his list, then nodded.

"Okay then, I guess. Looks like we're about to make up for '963: Ruined the Grim Reaper's Kill'. Lets go!"

"And so, once again, we'll have to go through more of that boring searching stuff. But don't worry, for my lazy writings skills can skip all that and skip to right when they meet the Reaper! Aha!

"Earl Jehoshaphat Hickey?" asked the Reaper. "The man I'm suppose to meet on June-"

"No, no, don't! Don't remind me! I already forgot, I'm not remembering again...! Damn, I now remember that it's gonna be in June..." Earl replied, "And stop using my full name! Just call me 'Earl'!" he added./span/p  
"Earl Jeh-"

Earl cleared his throat.

"Earl, what are you doing here?"

"Well, you told me I owe ya. You remember that?"

"Ah, yes, I do indeed. Come, after I kill this person- damn it, not again! He just had a heart attack! Oh well... anyway, now that my job has been done for me, I guess I'll take a moment to discus terms on what you owe me and what you can afford and etcetera."

NO! Don't you dare! Don't make me torture through me through... talking... I just had the chills! Kill him! Kill Earl now!

"Sorry, I'm not suppose to till July 13th, 2028."

"So be it! Suddenly, Earl's cousin died!

"Which cousin?"

SHUT UP!


	5. The Happiest Story You've Ever Read

In the map of Sawmill, Pyro ran with Scout and Soldier on their way to the enemy intelligence. Once when they made their destination, that's when I work my magic! The two sane classes hear a swoosh, while Pyro remained oblivious.

"Ah, what was that?" asked Scout.

"I don't know, must be a-" Soldier tried to answer, but before he did; he disappeared!

"'A'... a what? Soldier...? Soldier...?" asked Scout as he searched for his partner. Then he was gone too! Pyro looked around, and saw no one in sight. He hummed to himself a song by Beetles' Air. Suddenly- wait... no... don't, let me go! Don't you dare... the world was colourful, and everything was made of candy! He looked around, and saw that his friends were no were in sight. Where could they be? He heard the familiar babble of them of them, and he followed that sound. Under the bridge with water made out of chocolate milk and glitter underneath it. What he found there was wonderful! He found a lovely lady with a nice bright pale skin and sharp fangs made to pop balloons when party time turns to bed time.

Next to her were Pyro's friends; Baby Scout and Baby Soldier. They were taking a nap in the warm chocolate milk, with a ketchup around on their necks. They most of played another game of ketchup again, the silly little things. The bright pale lady smiled warmly

"You should run. Now." she said warmly. Oh, she probably wants to play tag, and she's it! Pyro knew it most of been true, for the power of rainbows and unicorns _never_ lie. He hopped and clapped his hands joyfully, than swam his way out of the chocolate milk into the eatable grass that taste like sugar. She hissed, and fly after him as a little black birdy. She can shape shift? Neat, sweat, petit!

Pyro started in a jog in case she couldn't run fast, but then ran faster and faster as she flew faster and faster. He found a hiding spot behind the tiny flat tree near the other team's spawn. Guess it's time to play some hide and seek? Yeah, it must be. He heard a screech, and behind him came the lovely pale lady. She cuddled him, and he cuddled back. She looked at him with a puzzled look. Maybe she never snuggled before? Yeah, that must be it!

She bit his neck, and it made Pyro giggle; she was tiggling him with her balloon-popping teeth! "What the hell is wrong with you!" she yelled. Oft, a bad word. That means she must be in a mad mood. No wonder she cuddled him, because she needed a hug! Pyro hugged harder. "No, let me go!"

'Let me go'; was she speaking French? Yeah, she most of been.

And, so, Pyro and the lovely lady lived happily ever after. When he married her, she room a dress over her dress; giant string that wraps around her body. She kept speaking in the romantic French language, saying words like 'Get away from me!', 'I need to get out of here!', and his favorite; 'No, no, please don't!'

And they lived happily ever after...


	6. Everybody Loves Bombs

_Hi, I'm Ray, and I live in long island with my wife Debra, my six-year-old daughter and two twin two-year-old boys. (it's not really about the kids) My parents live across the street... that's right... and my brother lives with them. Now, not every family would hire Merasmus to spice things up for you,_

 _HAZZA!_

 _But my would because-_

 **Everybody Loves Raymond**

"Breakfast! Breakfast! Breakfast! Hurry, mommy! Breakfast!" demanded the little girl.

"I know, sweetie, I know, I'm trying to move as fast as I can!" said Debra, frustrated by the little demand. Did you know I invented children to bring chaos and ruin every couples' lives? They're not as human as you think, you know; they're demons from hell, created to look like you and annoy the hell out of you! MAHAHAHAHAHA!

"Moring, Debra!" said Debra's step-mother. Ah, yes, I invented those to. I especially made this one extra annoying! "W-what you doing?! Why aren't you scrambling them?!" she demanded as she inspected the wronged eggs.

"Not all eggs have to be scrambled!" Debra spat back.

"Oh, they do dear! Scrambled eggs are better! Here, I'll show you; I'll scramble them."

"No, you don't have to-"/p

And then her step mother scrambled the eggs. Debra sighed.

"Marie, where the hell is breakfast!" demanded her step father, the worst of them all!

"Not now, I'm in the middle of saving Debra's children from her terrible eggs!" Marie spat bad.

Raymond entered the kitchen with a tired look on his face.

"Good morning, Ray." Debra said flatly due to her frustration.

"'Good morning'?! Don't you mean bad morning?" Raymond replied.

"What...? What do you mean? What's wrong, Ray?" asked Debra with... ugh... concern; that disgusting emotion!

"I didn't sleep last night, Debra! I was up all night because of all the knocking and all the trick-or-treating! Halloween ruins sleep, Debra, Halloween ruins sleep!"

"Well, why won't you go trick or treating with the kids or giving candy at the door, or..."

"Because I need sleep, Debra! And do you know what happens if I don't sleep?"

"What?"

"A bad night's rest can make a bad day's work, Debra, that's what happens!"

"To add more of the wonderful chaos, Raymond's brother, Robert, joined in.

"Ma, where's breakfast?" he asked.

"That's what I've been asking!" the step father spat.

"LET ME SAVE THE CHILDREN FIRST!" the step mother cried in frustration.

"'Save the children'? Debra, what's she on about this time?" asked Raymond.

"She doesn't like scrambled eggs, WHICH IS ONLY HER OPINION," she said extra loudly so her step mother could hear. "And now she's scrambling them against my will." she finished.

"Oh my God... really ma? You gotta be kidding me... you see what I mean, Debra? Terrible things happen when you get terrible sleep, and it's all Halloween's fault!"

"Will you hurry the hell up, Marie! I'm starving!" the step father demanded again.

"Mommy! She's scrambling the eggs!" the little girl cried.

"This chaos went on for about an hour or two, I think. After the parents left along with Robert, and the kids and everyone else was feed, Debra and Raymond thought foolishly to themselves that they were going to have peace at last... and I said 'thought', because MERASMUS is here to ruin what little peace they got!

HOOOWLLL!

Raymond took a moment to calm himself by heading to the bathroom to pour cold water upon his face. Once when he saw the mirror-

"OH MY GOD!" he yelled. Yes, hello, how are you?

"Wha...? Who the hell are you? And what are you doing in my mirror?!" Raymond asked.

"It is I, MERASMUS! And I am here to ruin your day even further!

"Really? Things can somehow get worse? I live close to my parents, that's basically worse than hell!"

"Oh really? Well, prepare mortal! Your going to wish you live with your parents like your brother for an eternity once when I, Merasmus, work my magic to make the worse of nightmares come true!

"Try me. I'll might like whatever your going to do to me better than what I normally live with."

So be it. Your head is a bomb now. I disappear from the mirror now to show him that in his mirror.

"What?!" Raymond exclaimed. Seriously, what's with the 'what?!'s these days? Anyway, he ran down the stairs and cried, "Debra, my head is a bomb!"

"Come on, Ray, your head isn't that big- OH MY GOD YOUR HEAD IS A BOMB!"

"Help me!"

"How?!"

"I dunno, call an ambulance! Call 911! I can't, I don't have any ears!"

"Then how are you hearing me?!"

"I DON'T KNOW! Call 911 already!"

"Okay, okay... 911? Yes, I have an emergency! My husband's head is a bomb...! But... okay..."

She hung up.

"Ray, we're going to get a ticket for 'prank calling'."

"Great, just as I said! A bad night's sleep makes a bad day's work! Now I can't work because I'm about to explode!"

And before anymore was done about it, he exploded.


	7. The Suits

_Before I tell you this story, I should first tell you about PipBucks._

 _What is a PipBuck? A PipBuck is a device, worn on a foreleg just above the hoof, issued to every pony in a Stable when they become old enough to start work. They can track ponies, your health, aim at targets, navigate, listen to Velvet Remedy's music, and more._

 _So yes, PipBucks really are a testament to unicorn pony arcane science. But it's hard to impress to impress upon ponies who never lived in a Stable just how ordinary, how pedestrian, a PipBuck was. And why I was disappointed to have one as my cutie mark._

 _Oh, my name is LittlePip. Go figure._

 **Fallout: Equestria**

Four ponies sat around a small, but better than nothing fire in the wasteland of Equestria. Wait... wasn't I just here...? I don't know, travelling the multiverse can mess with a Wizard's head. So, anyway, around the fire was- a lesbian toaster repair pony; some 1950's singer; a try-hard cowpony; a green bird; and a pony robot. There was a building far off into the distance that the lesbian hadn't noticed until now.

"Hey, guys; wanna see that building over there?" asked the lesbian, Littlepip.

 **"Don't,"** Steel Hooves, the robot, replied duly **"It could be too dangerous."**

"Well... there might be some weapons, food, and bottle caps to scavenge!" said Littlepip.

"She... might be right," said the fake country accented Calamity. Oh how I _love_ the cruelty of his name! "We've been runnin' real low on our bullets, and I am starvin'."

 **"We are _all_ starving, Calamity. We always are. It's not worth it."**

"Well, I won't be alone." said Littlepip.

"Yeah, Pip 'n' I will go. Seriously, we'll at _least_ need the bullets." Calamity agreed.

 **"... I still don't approve."**

"An' we don't care." Calamity said before Pip and he left.

The old abandoned building they found was dark, and had two hundred years worth of rotting. It was fully made out of wood, and was big enough to house four dozen ponies. Calamity flew up to the old, well faded sign.

"'Moonlight Sonata Fosterhome'." he read aloud. The two walked in, and found what was expected- all the photos all the walls faded; the walls weak and ancient; old toys and other items; books in shelves all dusty; everything there was old and rotting. Littlepip and Calamity looked everywhere- in every shelf; in every hall; behind and under every table and desks; every corner for anything to take. Soon enough, one of them found something.

"Hey, Littlepip, take a look." said Calamity said from an office. Littlepip carefully trotted her way through the old home to keep it from collapsing. What she found once when she reached the office where her straight friend stood was an old document. Somehow, it was still fresh... okay, it was me who reversed the polarity of it's age. Yes, Merasmus is still narrating; I'm tolerating the searching thing a bit more. Anyway, the document read;

 _"Dear Emma Jean,_

 _Your deal has been expired. Take all the foals and leave. We are coming for you."  
_

And on the bottom was a symbol with circles connected, and within them lines are smaller circles.

"... there's no signature... jus' the circles." Calamity observed.

"That name, 'Emma Jean'. What kind of name is that?" Littlepip wondered aloud.

"An' what was that 'deal' they had?"

"And _who_ made that deal with her?"

"Hey, who turned off the lights?!"

With that last line said, Littlepip and Calamity turned and saw that they weren't alone. Behind them stood a pony shaped plain white space suit, with a collar that glowed whenever the suit spoke. Inside that suit, they saw the skull of a pony. That pony most of died two hundred years ago, it was still standing, but it was no ghoul. There was no remaining flesh, it all rotted away far too long ago.

"Hey, who turned off the lights?!" it repeated.

"Run?" asked Littlepip.

"Hell yeah." Calamity replied, and as swift as a bullet from the Little McIntosh, Calamity bucked the suit down, which gave them more than enough time to run past it and into the halls.

"Hey, who turned off the lights?!"

They ran with all their might and found the door. But what stood in their way were two more suits, only without ponies.

"Please enter the suit."  
"-Please enter the suit."

Both suits said in unison, with one a second behind. The two suits both opened, and revealed buckles that unhatched on their own, and chords that moved like snakes with needles made to pierce deep into pony flesh.

"Wanna chance it?" asked Calamity.

"Nope!" Littlepip answered.

"Hey, who turned off the lights?"

"Please enter the suit."  
"-Please enter the suit."

Calamity and Littlepip chose to run into a different hall and hoped that they could find a different exit; maybe an emergency fire exit. They thought they lost them at one point, but then they encountered another suit with a pony inside.

"So cold... so darker..."

They both turned, then headed for a closet to hide and think. The Little McIntosh was held in Littlepip's magic, ready for any unwanted visits. The reason she didn't use the bullets earlier was because she only had three bullets left, and no clips for more bullets to fill it. They held their breaths for a time, afraid that the suits might hear. After a long wait to be sure that they really _were_ alone, Calamity felt it had been long enough to break that silence, but only in a low whisper.

"... what the hell was that?"

"I don't know. Those ponies... they're dead, but..."

"Now, don't be like that. You've seen a lot of ghouls 'n' zombies, this is basically the same.

"No, it's not the same! Ghouls are _still_ alive, just not the same way. Those suits... those ponies... they really _are_ dead, Calamity! It's not the _them_ walking, it's the suits! Didn't you seem them earlier? The buckles, the chords, the whole suit; it all moved without a pony inside! Calamity, none of these ponies are alive; just the _suits!_ "

"Livin' suits? I've seen weirder. Now that I think about it, the suits did want us in... ya think they jus'... take ponies 'n' walk 'em 'till they die, then keep goin'?"

"... I think so..."

"Please enter the suit."

Before they could react, an empty suit unfolded from behind, and grabbed Littlepip with it's sleeves as it starts to open.

"Calamity!"

Littlepip couldn't concentrate hard enough to wield the Little McIntosh anymore, and was left to with her bare hooves. Calamity responded by imeditly aiming his guns, and realized with horror that Littlepip and the suit were huddled too close together for a clear shot. He resolved to just his hooves, and started to wrestle with the suit.

"Please enter the suit."

"No! No, don't! _No!_ " came a sudden cry, but it was not from Littlepip.. the doors opened, and in came another suit with a pony inside. This Calamity could shoot. He turned and fired a furry of bullets, and used the remaining ammo. The only result was that the suit had holes all over; that pony already died a _long_ time ago.

"Damn!" Calamity cried. The suit raised a hoof, and a blue round lazor shot from it, stunning the Stallion. He turned his head, and the last thing he saw was Littlepip being buckled and hooked by the needles.

"Calamity!" he heard her cry before he feel into a deep slumber.

Calamity stirred, and awoken. He tried to get up, but found that he couldn't. The moment he realized that, the moment he started to panic and struggled with the bind.

"So cold... so dark..."

"Run, just _run!_ "

"No, don't! _No!_ "

"Please enter the suit."

His panic worsened.

"What are you?! Where the hell is Littlepip?!"

"Run, just _run!_ "

"So cold... so dark..."

"No, don't! _No!_ "

"Can y'all say anything else besides the same thing over 'n' over again?! Where's Littlepip?! What 'r ya gonna do t' me! Why didn't ya put me in a suit while I was unconscious?! Stop sayin' the same damn thing over 'n' over 'n' tell me!" Calamity demanded. There was silence in the room for a time, until the empty one stepped fourth.

"Please enter the sui- Please enter- e-e-e-enter theeee- the- the- the-... we need you conscious in order to do the operation properly." said the suit after a short struggle.

"What operation?! Why the hell are you doin' this?!" Calamity demanded.

"We only obeying- Please enter the- our program."

"Who made you?! Why did they make you?!"

"We can not-not-not-not- Please en- not answer that, all the information about our creator is not in our data base. I only answered your questions so you can be still. Now, Please enter the suit."

Once when the suit finished it's explanation, it walked towards Calamity close enough before the straps that held the stallion were automatically released. With no time to waste, he swiftly push the suit away with his front hoof, then turned to buck it with his back hooves. He was not an Earthpony, but his kick was great enough to make the suit fall on it's back.

"I gotta get the hell outta here," he said to himself as he ran out the door, "an' find Littlepip!" he added as he dogged flying blue circles and crashed his way through.

"Run, just _run!_ "

For once, Calamity agreed with one of the suits. He ran as quickly as he could, with all his might. He searched... ugh, the searching... he searched through the halls to find Littlepip so he could save her if she hadn't already saved herself, and then leave the Foster Home _forever_.

"Calamity!" called a voice. Calamity stopped, then his expression turned from urgency, to released. But half way before he turned his head to see her, he noticed that her voice had more fear to it than the feeling of unity, and worst of all; it sounded like it came from speaker than her own mouth.

"Save yourself,"

"Calamity!"

Once when he fully turned his head, he saw what he had feared not seconds ago; Littlepip was in a suit.

"Please! I can't control myself; I can't get out; and my suit is going to get you! Just _run!_ "

"Calamity!"

"No, I ain't leavin' you like this! Y'r gonna be buried when you die, ya hear? Y'r not gonna be like 'em walkin' skeletons; I'm gettin' you out!"

"Calamity!"

"Just don't, it's too late!" Littlepip whaled; tears in her eyes. Her hoof slowly raised, and she started to cry louder. "Leave! I don't want them to take you too! Just leave and warn the others to stay as far away as possible!"

She shot, and Calamity dodged.

"Ya have t' fight it!" he yelled.

 _"I'M TRYING!"_ Littlepip cried as she shot again. "Just _go!_ "

"But-"

 _"Go!"_

She shot again. Calamity couldn't get close enough to free her, for every shot was getting more and more accurate, and it was getting close and closer. Calamity swore to never forgive himself once when he realized he had no more choice. He ran towards the door to the hall, and he stopped to take one more look at her.

"Calamity?"

"Calamity!"

"Yes?"

"Tell Omoge I love her... please..."

"I will, Littlepip. I will..." Calamity replied assuringly with tears in his eyes. Littlepip shot again, and Calamity ran.

"Calamity!"

The suit cried again. As he ran, the voice grew quieter and quieter as it called out his name over and over again in that same tone. He looked away, and focused on the path ahead.

"Hey, who turned off the lights?"

Calamity stopped in his tracks as the suit blocked his only way to the exit.

"No, don't! _No!_ "

"Please enter the suit."

"Run, just _run!_ "

"So cold... so dark.."

"Please enter the suit."

All the other suits entered from every hall and closet as they gathered in the front room of the foster home. He looked around, and felt his hope start to shatter.

"Calamity!"

This time it didn't come from a sound clip. He spun around and saw Littlepip; still in the suit.

"The Little McIntosh, it's right over there on the floor!" she informed and tried to gesture at it with her head. "I threw it over there when I almost lost control of my magic!"

Calamity found the Little McIntosh lying on the floor. He scoped it up as quickly as he could to arm himself. A suit shot at him, and he dodged. He accidently pulled the trigger at the sudden shot and doge. He looked to find where he shot, and then everything in his mind immediately turned dull. He saw Littlepip with wide open eyes, and those green eyes showed fear, sadness, and shock, as her head hung back with a red hole on her forehead that rapidly dripped with blood.

"Littlepip... what have I done...?" Calamity asked with the lowest and softest breath he had ever breathed. With him frozen, an empty suit swiftly took advantage and advanced on him.

"Please enter the suit."


	8. The Most Emotional of Them All

"Bella, I love you." said Edward.

"Yeah, sure, I know." Bella replied.

A vampire and a mortal girl laid together in the grass. Then, a ghost appears! _Ohhhohhhohh!_

"Oh, look, a ghost." Edward observed.

"Whatever." Bella replied.

 _COME ON!_ Don't you two feel _anything?!_

"Eh?" Bella replied.

Then why are you too 'in love'?!

"I dunno." Bella replied.

That's it, I'm out of here.


	9. The Haunted House of Doom

Once upon a time, (I always wanted to do that!) there was an old mann and a little Asian boy... oh dear, he better not be with the Japanese Mafia! Merasmus owes them a thousand dollars! Eh, it'll be great to pick 'em back now that they can't touch me! So, anyway, the old mann was dressed as Charles Muntz, and the boy was dressed as skeleton; and their dog, Doug, and all their other dogs waited in the blimp. They both paid their tickets and were ready to head for an haunted house, set with all the fake ghosts and ghouls... yeah, you can see where this is going; not fake for _long_ , _MAHAHAHAHA!_

 _HOOOOOWLL!_

The door opened with a slow, loud squeak. They both remained still, for 'adventure is out there'...! Okay, someone has been messing with my system! I dunno, anyway, they both heard an evil laugh; and it wasn't fake! The old mann, Mr. Fredrickson, who quite smells of prune juice, thought it _was_ fake.

But as they proceeded their path, they heard a groan. It scared the little Asian kid, Russell, started to feel a bit off ease. Mr. Fredrickson calmed the boy, and said that it was nothing. But then the groaning grew louder, until, once when they looked behind them, they found an _actual_ zombie; a huge section of it's stomach was messing on it's left side, and in that gap you could see it's left rib. It groaned and wondered after them with groans as it hunted for mortal brains.

They ran, and were utterly convinced that it was real. Well, almost; Mr. Fredrickson still doubted it. Once when they thought they were safe, a yellow ball with a long blue strip and a red star on each side of the yellow rolled onto Russell's feet. They turned, and found a doll that walked to them, and said 'come play with Molly!'. The doll walked just as slow as the zombie, so they managed to out run it; for they didn't want to play with Molly.

The house got darker and darker as they ran, and soon it was pitch black. They stood still so they won't risk bumping into anything. In an instant, a green light glowed behind them. When they looked, they saw an evil green which with a wart... wait a second... Carline?! My ex from centuries ago?! Well, isn't that lovely. Anyway, Carline declared that they will be dubbed her dinner. Mr. Fredrickson and Russell, of course, ran, but Carline was quicker than a teleportation spell.

But Russell managed to outsmart her by stopping right in front of an open closet, then jumped out of the way at the last second as she crashed. He closed the door, and found a key to lock her in. _Ha!_ That was for cheating on me with that warlock! So, with her gone and trapped, they decided that it was time to leave. But once when they found the door, it was blocked by a robot with a big key on it's back that slowly turned and ticked like a wind up toy. It had a name plate that read 'Prototype A113'.

It's arm turned into a into an SMG, like my son's gun. And _yes,_ I just did the most evil thing in the media; I just made a fanon canon! _MAHAHAHAHA!_

It tried to shot them, but they ran down a different hall to get away. It lead to a dead end, and in that dead end was a robotic fortune teller with a bright white turban. It stood behind a box that was half glass, and the other half... um.. machinery stuff! Anyway, the fortune teller dispensed a piece of paper. Russell read it without hesitation, but his face grew grey once when he did. Curious, Mr. Fredrickson read,

 _Mr. Fredrickson_

 _You are going to die by a heart attack_

The note scared him so much, that it _indeed_ scared him hard enough to make his heart stop! Haha, this tale is just as sad as the beginning of the movie... _ONLY THERE ARE NO HAPPY ENDINGS!_


	10. Your Final Night

Ring, ring, ring...  
Ring, ring, ring...  
Ring, ring-

Hello? Hello? Uh, I wanted to record a message for you to help you get settled in on your first night. Um, I actually worked in that office before you. There's nothing to worry about; oh how you'll do

Uh, the only real risk here is the animatronic characters do tend to wander a bit. These characters probably won't recognize you as a person. They'll proba-most likely see you as a metal endoskeleton without its costume on. Since that's against the rules, they'll probably try to... forcefully stuff you inside a suit. So, you can imagine how having your head forcefully pressed inside one of those could cause a bit of discomfort... and death.

Y-Yeah, they don't tell you these things when you sign up. Uh, check those cameras, and remember to close the doors only if absolutely necessary. Gotta conserve power. Alright, good night.

The message stops, and you stare into the distance to process what that... um... Phone Guy, said. Oh ho, yes, I just shoved you into the story! And there's nothing you can do about it! With that in mind, you realize that with you being suddenly a night guard in Freddy Fazbear's Pizza might make the Phone Guy's message, as insane and how much it didn't make sense to you as it was, might be true. So, you heaved his advice and made total sure you kept a sharp eye on the camera, considering this will be the last time you will use it before it's removed...

You first checked the most important area, the Show Room in Camera 1A. All three performing Animatronics- Chica, Bonnie, and Freddy; were at the stage, just as they should be. Now wait a second... all three performing Animatronics. You realized this, and searched through every camera until you found Camera 1C; Pirate Cove. There was Foxy, a broken Animatronic that was discontinued from his own performance, but was still able to walk. You fool! You had forgotten the others!

You checked Camera 1A, and noticed that Freddy was missing. You start to panic as images of him shoving you into a Freddy suit that would crush you to death flew through your mind in fear. You checked Camera 1B, and there we was; walking his way to East Hall... the hall that leads to you! You attempted to check Camera 4A so you can keep an eye on him so you'll know when to close the doors, but instead your shaky finger slipped up and clicked Camera 2A... and then you saw Foxy run down the hall far too quickly. You turned on the lights for the West Hall, and then you saw Foxy right at the window!

Before he made a move for left door, you slammed down the bottom to close it. He banged on the door, then you see him leave. He's coming back, you know... anyway, you made sure to check for Camera 4B to find Freddy; and there he was, smiling for the camera! Oh, wait, he's always smiling. My short ramble made you roll your eyes (hey!) and you closed the right door. You sighed, and thought you were alone at last... but then the electricity ran out. Yeah, their electric cables are as old as dirt; haven't you heard?

Then, from what sounded like a music box, you hear the tune of Lez Toreadors. You slowly turned around, and behind you was Freddy Fazbear; his face blinked light in rhythm of the classical tune. He laughed a deep, deep laugh, and slowly moved his paws for you. You screamed, and made a run for the West Hall. Now, the only reason Merasmus is helping you keep track of what room your in is for the sake of the story; Merasmus is loving this too much!

The moment you thought you were about to have a clear path down the hall was the moment you crashed into something. You looked, and saw a little shining reflection from what little light those cheap decade old lights produced. Yeah, you might of traveled back in time as well. November 8th, 1992. Your welcome. So, where were we? Ah, yes, Foxy was just about to say 'hi'. So then you made sure you went around him and continued to run.

Freddy made his way behind you, and you needed to get behind a door as soon as possible. Lucky for you, there was one. No, it wasn't my magic; there originally was one. You open the door and slammed it behind you; the reason it's unlocked is because of me. Why did I spare you? Well, take a look at the room before you!

You gasp at the sight before you; the supply room, where spare heads and costumes of the Animatronics are placed for when needed, stood a table in the centre. On that very table stood a fully set Bonnie costume, but it's eyes weren't the original; instead there were two small human eyes that were pulled from it's sockets. In it's jaw, you can see another set of teeth; a mouth that once screamed in pain and called for help.

That's right, mortal; your not the first reader to be thrown into this dinner as a night guard. I had so much fun last time that I just had to do it again! His name was Steve, by the way. Is your name Steve too? I hope not, or else I'll have to buy a pair of boxes... wait, hang on, I think I got that wron-

Bang, BANG, BANG!

Oh, yes, the Animatronics. Yes, I quite forgot. So, yeah, according to the Camera 2A, all four Animatronics appear to have found your hiding spot. You start to breath heavily, and frantically tried to find a place to hide.

What you found instead was Golden Freddy.


	11. Merasmus VS Doug Underscore

In November 31st, 2015, Halloween Day, there stood poor lowlife mortal that wasted his time on pastel coloured ponies and fanfictions. He wrote stories on that day, thinking that this day couldn't possibly go wron-

"Wait a second," said the lowlife aloud. "And stop calling me that!"

Wait... _oh come on!_ I didn't even do anything to you!

"I was watching Doctor Who, and you said I was 'writing stories'."

Oh... well, since you can hear me now, prepare to-

"No, just _no!_ You have done enough, my friend- you killed Spike and left Twilight scarred; had the Headless Horseless Horsemann kill off Ahsoka; had the Administrator hack into the TARDIS; replaced all the episodes of My Name is Earl with Earl negotiating with the Grim Reaper and trying to pay him back; had the Pyro do... I don't even wanna talk about what he did to that vampire; made Raymond _explode_ ; killed my precious Littlepip; did _not_ destroy the Twilight Saga; ruined any possibly for Pixar to make a squeal for UP; and killed off _two_ of my readers; and hacked into my account two, no, three times! Merasmus, your reign ends _now!_ " said Doug Underscore, the boy that I had used in order to make others do my bidding.

And, no, I did not hack! I used magic! There's a difference, you dimwit!

"Don't you _dare_ call me a 'dimwit', dimwit!" he replied angrily. "Give me my account back and undo the changes you had made!"

 _NEVER!_

"Nobody may give a da-" he turned to see that his relative around. " _Darn_ about my work, but my work has power; power to unit and control the multiverse, and I will take that power back!"

You know what? I like your try-hard spirit, kid. How about this; I will enter your realm, and we shall both fight to the death. If you win, you have control. If I win, I'll have control.

"I accept your challenge, _ward!_ "

I'll be on my way, _brony._ But first I'll have to make some phone calls... hang on... 'P'... 'P'... 'P'... ah, here she is... okay... ring... ring... do-do-do do do do-do-do do~... ah, yes hello! It is I, Merasmus...! Busy...? With what...? Burying bodies and hiding the evidence? Well, _who cares!_ Your going to be the new narrator anyway!

Woah... where am I...? Where's my body...?

"Calm down, my dear." Merasmus assured. Wait... why did I say that?

"I guess it's because your the new narrator, Miss Pauling. Don't you worry, my stories are influenced by Narnia; you'll be back to burning the evidence of the RED team's crimes without a single moment missed as soon as this whole shebang done. Wibbly Wobbly, Timey Wimey." Doug explained.

Oh, hi Doug, nice to meet you... I guess...?

"You too. Now, seriously with the Hitmonlee; let's fight!" Doug yelled before he charged for Merasmus. He teleported away onto his back side, and flung him into his wall. On his side, he found his Qui Gon Jinn's lightsaber... whatever that is... "Don't worry, your gettin' the hang or this." Doug assured as a green lazar blasted from his black handle. He rose up, and jumped at him to strike a parry.

Merasmus blocked this with his staff, and they locked. Slowly, Merasmus started to out strengthen. He resolved to a new tactic, and swiftly released the lock and allowed him to make a hole in his room. He ran out of that hole and outside he went into the grass. Merasmus found him, and Doug dared him by holding up his blade straight up in front of his face, then holding it back down with a twirl.

"Your gettin' the hang of this, Miss Pauling. Keep it up." Doug commented.

Why, thank you. I guess I'm doing alright...

"Oh, don't say 'alright', Pauling. With practice you'll probably become a pro at this!" Doug encouraged.

"Stop it!" Merasmus yelled, "Stop it with your feedback and support! I will destroy you, Douglass! _HOOOWLLLL!_ "

"It's just _Doug!_ " he yelled back in frustration, and charged at Merasmus. Merasmus swung at him with his large staff, but Doug hit back at each attack in a fencing like manor. But Merasmus' increasingly aggressive behavior had Doug cowering more and more as each swung started to scare him and loosen his grip more and more by each blow.

 ** _"Gladius V_** ** _olanti!"_** Merasmus yelled, and swiftly Doug lost his lightsaber. Armless, Doug knew that he was now venerable. **_"Mortali Mortem!"_** Merasmus yelled before he aimed his large wand at him to blast a large green beam at Doug.

"Shaymin!" he summoned, "Use Protection!" he commanded.

Skyform Shaymin fly out of his room, fly between him and the beam, and created a light grey shield around him. The beam hit him, and had created no scratches.

"Now use Leaf Storm!" Doug ordered. Shaymin obeyed, and shot a storm of leaves straight towards Merasmus.

 _ **"Pagina Ardebit!"**_ Merasmus yelled as fire shot from his wand at the flying leaves. They all burned to ashes before any of them hit the wizard. _**"Marsumpium Monstrum Mortem!"**_ Merasmus charge a red and white beam to shot Shaymin.

 _"Shaymin, use Quick Attack!"_ Doug commanded as quickly as he could. The second before Merasmus fired, Shaymin swiftly made his way for Merasmus and hit him hard. It threw Merasmus off, and his beam shot straight into the air and... oh dear... hit an airplane and made it crash down...

" _AHAHAHAHA!_ Even when interrupted, Merasmus _never_ misses!" Merasmus mused to himself with a loud laugh. "Shaymin, use Swift! Take his spell book!"

Shaymin charged a light grey energy from thin air into his body, then moved with a white and green streak behind it as it advanced towards Merasmus in seemingly light speed. It took Merasmus' spell book, and swiftly moved back to return it to Doug.

"No!" Merasmus yelled in dismay.

"Let's see..." he said to himself as he scanned through. "Ah, here we go! _**Cupio Arma!**_ " he gave a mighty yelled, and suddenly he had two swords and two large grappling hooks on his hips. With Merasmus right in front of his home, he shot chords at his roof, and swiftly made his way up into the air. He reshot the chords when he turned, and pulled himself back before he lept over his house. He feel straight for Merasmus, and had his two swords ready to strike. Merasmus teleported out of the way. His swords and grappling hooks disappeared, and a shield with a red circle and a white circle within it, and a blue star in the centre took it's place, and he landed right on it for a safe, but still painful landing.

That shield disappeared and what took it's place is a round hallow disk with a green glowing trip in the centre of the black.

 _ **"Terraemotus!"**_ Merasmus yelled as the earth started to shake. It threw him off, and Merasmus took his advantage. **_"Fulmen!"_** A thunder bolt fell upon the sixteen-year-old (he's _16?_ ) with a loud crack. Oh no... his body was in ashes. Merasmus laughed at his victory. "Yes! Victory is mine! I shall control the multiverse... _forever!_ "

Suddenly, the once clean blade of the Claidheamh Mör stabbed right through Merasmus' chest. He turned, and found Doug with the sword in one hand, and the Dead Ringer in the other.

"I don't think so." he said to him before he withdrew the now blood stained blade. Merasmus fell to the ground, and turned to face Doug to give his final words.

"You fool! You can't kill a Wizard! But no matter, you win; you get to be the writer and narrator again. I'm going back to my apartment and piss off Soldier or something. Goodbye, mortals!"

And with that said, Merasmus disappeared in a flash of white light. Now if you excuse me, I have some shallow graves to dig...

"Ya know, you should consider being a dramatic reader." Doug suggested.

Nah, the pay here is better...

 _ **Happy Halloween!**_

All My Best,  
Doug_Miniseries


End file.
